existentialism

Already. I think technically I have been here a month. But its more like 2 complete weeks, I think. I still find this place to be a bit warped. Not the community but everyone who has moved in for whatever reason. There’s so much disdain for the local population and its hard for me to comprehend

A few weeks ago I was talking to this Nigerian dude (big UN job) and he was going on and on about how incredibly beautiful Ethiopian women are… and this white fellow (who is an asshole anyway) was like, well how about dinka women. And this dude literally had this disgusted look on his face and was like, oh no. not at all. So white dude was like, oh yeah you only deal with white women or light skinned women. And there I am sitting across from him, a Dinka woman and he has dismissed every one of us. Even here in Africa you have to deal with this kind of shit. And only because we are dark skinned. But it’s like the standard/model of beauty totally excludes us. I don’t even know how to react to stuff like that anymore. I like that people here have a very strong sense of identity and I hope that they retain some of it. While certain aspects of this culture do have/should change – like girls get married way too early and the whole dowry thing….because it amounts to nothing more than exchange of wealth/ property should change too- and the way women are treated….. but I hope we don’t lose that sense of pride in who we are, regardless.

Yesterday, I was talking to these two Kenyan women, they are supposedly as adult literacy teachers- even though they are not trained in it at all… well yesterday one of them was going on and on about ‘these people’ this and ‘these people’ that (hawa watu) and just being soooo disdainful. And I was trying to understand what would make her sooo disdainful- its not like where she lives is that much better than rumbek is (Makueni) and besides, why come here if you cant even respect the people you work with? I don’t get it. And for some reason I take it especially personal… I don’t know. I’ve decided I cant stomach the Kenyans, I cant stomach the international staff. Ugh.